A Garden of Anxiety - October 16, 2004

just about every day i have access to a computer, i open this page up but never post an entry. sometimes i just let it sit for a hour, then decide i don't actually want to write, sometimes i type a whole paragraph, then give it up. maybe i just don't feel like i have anything worthwhile to say.

and this really is no exception!

i went to see garden state last night. it's pretty good. it's different if you're expecting scrubs-style narration over the top. i kept wanting to sing in the middle because i knew half of the songs on the soundtrack. zach braff has some good taste in music.

after the movie, sammy and i were feeling both hungry and hyper, so we hit up QFC for some lunchables! i also decided to get red bull on a whim, which wasn't such a good idea to me later when it was 5:30 in the morning and i couldn't get back to sleep. i wanted to trade in my wings for a nice down pillow.

so, then i was up, being all contemplative. i started thinking about my menswear class. i've been really excited about it, and i still am, i just got a little of my excitement cut down. we had a presentation on thursday of our concept boards, our designs, and our research. i wonder if half of this is in my head, but i felt really uneasy about the expressions on everyone's face when i was up there. then the teacher made a comment about how she was unsure about some of us and how not everyone had complete information in their presentations.

i swear, every critique she gives to the class is a thinly veiled jab at me. ok, that is in my mind. but i think that because i had the same instructor for childrenswear studio and i screwed up in there. i feel like i can't do anything right with her now. she even added a new warning on her syllabi, just because of me. "IF YOU DO NOT ATTEND THE FINAL PRESENTATION, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BE GRADED FOR IT." or something ominous like that. i imagine a, "THIS MEANS YOU, MELISSA!" in the middle of it.

after that, i just didn't feel confident about my designs or anything. plus there's a bunch of guys in that class, and i dunno how readily they'd wear my stuff. and then to top it all off, my instructor goes, "who do you think had really good presentations?" and basically asks the class to pick the good ones. i think it's unprofessional in a school environment to pick out who's better than who. if it's a job environment, you have to. in other words...i wasn't one of the people mentioned.

i actually was thinking about this all at 5:30 in the morning. then i was thinking about neuroses. i think it's a logical transition.

oh crap...i was going to write more, but i've been warned that i only have 5 minutes left. oh well, another time!

<--->

Blog On - May 05, 2005

I Like Your Sleeves - April 07, 2005

Sucking At This - March 10, 2005

Why So Nervous? - March 03, 2005

Eased, Excited, and Enriched - February 02, 2005